Leadership Etiquette = Respect
At first glance this might not seem like an obvious topic in relation to leadership. Just how are leadership and etiquette related? I learned more about that during a recent lunch with my “most favorite ever” former employer. Our conversation turned to when he had begun his career in dentistry 50+ years ago. At that time a mentor had shared with him the value and importance of being respectful to others.
As I listened to his story, I realized he probably didn’t fully understand the influence this idea would have on his career. But it became a pillar in his leadership style, both professionally and personally. Respect was a value he built a successful career on, and it was the respect he showed as my boss that has kept me in touch with him 20 years post-employment.
Defining Etiquette and Manners
Here at KDI Consulting we teach etiquette as being the guidelines/rules for appropriate behavior. Manners are the acting out of those guidelines. Simply put, manners are defined as the good behavior that distinguishes human beings from animals. They indicate how to behave in a socially responsible way.
I’ve found the “E” word — Etiquette — can really throw some people for a loop! It’s simply about being respectful to all, including those around you and yourself. This helps generate the interpersonal trust needed to move forward in whatever scenario you find yourself in.
Building Respect
Manners are the key to principled, effective, respectful leadership. In a time of societal unrest, a loss of everyday civil behavior and technology that has changed the rules in human interactions, manners support emotional intelligence in leadership. At minimum, good manners are important because of the power difference between you and your followers. They signal to your people that they are respected, which is a first step toward earning their trust.
In 1922 people turned to Emily Post for etiquette advice and her voice still rings true today. A favorite Emily Post quote of mine is “. . . manners avoid ugliness.” Without etiquette/manners and the respect they generate, you run a high risk of creating a rude and self-centered style of leadership. This “ugliness” brings lower levels of effectiveness in business, social progress and the ability to build trusting relationships.
Elevating Your Leadership
Some simple, basic principles underlay etiquette, manners, and being considerate and respectful. These principles are timeless and cross cultural and generational boundaries. Here are some ideas to become a better team leader and build trust, appreciation and engagement.
• Eye Contact and Listening: Making direct eye contact lets your team member know they’re the current center of your attention. Pair eye contact with active listening for even greater engagement. You’ve heard it before: we have two ears and one mouth. Keep that ratio in mind!
• Voice Tone: Many communication problems are due to the tone of your voice, and not as frequently what you’re actually saying. Our brains process emotions first; it’s the sounds people hear that will get them to listen to what you’re saying.
• Thank You and I’m Available: Being available to answer questions or listen is a great display of manners in leadership and shows you appreciate the work your team is doing. Give people space and time to express their thoughts, which helps show that you don’t take their perspectives for granted. A simple “Thank You” and stating/showing you’re available goes a long way.
• Timeliness and Preparation: Being prepared and on time are two of the simplest ways to demonstrate respect and show that you care about others (which is what having good manners is all about). They’re a powerful combination in demonstrating courteous, effective leadership every day.
• Genuine Interest: Caring about one another is critical to creating an environment where you can openly discuss the tough issues, giving each team member the chance to feel empowered and safe. Creating a cohesive, collaborative, trusted unit with a shared commitment to succeed as a team is a win-win for everyone — including you.
My “most favorite ever” employer used simple, genuine actions that set his leadership etiquette apart from any other. They included the “I’m so glad you are here today” that I was greeted with every time I came to work, his listening ear when I had something to discuss and his genuine interest in helping me succeed in my career. How you treat others matters. It all starts with good manners that build respect and trust.
